Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
