Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
