Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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