the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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