it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize