my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
