You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
