Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
