It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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