i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I currently don't understand fingers.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
