thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Randomize
