it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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