escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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