Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
