i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
