I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
