How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
