I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
