i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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