we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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