my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize