We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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