she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wear drunk well.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
