remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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