I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
