I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
