it wasn't lemon gatorade
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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