you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
