we have officially lost it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
