White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
