I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
