Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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