I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
