The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
