Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
