theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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