Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
