i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
