PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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