You work out of a Hotel?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
