She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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