Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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