I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
