He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
