it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
