You smell like stripper and shame
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
