I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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