Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
