Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
