he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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