I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
