took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
