I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
