Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
