Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
