She said her name was "party"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
