Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
