he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
