All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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