She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
