dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
