Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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