he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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