I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
