I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
