I need help removing her.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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