I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
false alarm, still single
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
