On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
