Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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