i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
