I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
