She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She bit a glass in half.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
