Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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