can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
