Michael Bay diarrhea
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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