I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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