Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize