I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
