He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
