Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
