I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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